Facing Insecurities

  As a person and a writer, I have insecurities frequently. Of course, as we can't help but compare ourselves to others, this is normal. I have doubts about everything from my clothing to my sports abilities, but also with my writing. As I write very frequently, and care about it more than my appearance and sports, this is also where it hits me the hardest.

     Part of my insecurities are due to myself; I doubt myself probably more often than I should, and am often critical of my efforts. For example, I completely rejected the first draft of the manuscript that I wrote, as I deemed it not salvageable. Granted, I think that's true, but I also judge myself on the better things that I write as well. However, where it hits me the hardest is when other people judge my writing. I'm all for constructive criticism, but most of the time it doesn't take that form. I publish writing on TeenInk, which -although I really enjoy it- has a rating system. Various people have greatly disliked many things that I've written; they've hated my short stories, nonfiction, poetry, and opinion pieces. Of course, I find it funny that they hate my nonfiction stories, as it's not like I can come up with a better life for myself and still have it be true. This has made me greatly discouraged, to the point where I have stopped getting emails from TeenInk when they do this. Also, it's anonymous, so they bear no responsibility to their ratings whatsoever. I try to get past the negative ratings, though, and it makes it all more worthwhile when someone says they like it. Plus, there are always going to be people like that out there, and, as Anne Frank said, "at heart, people are mostly good."

     My tips for facing writing insecurities would be:

-take constructive criticism, if there is any, but with a grain of salt

-don't dwell on it, and there's sure to be someone who does like your writing

-do some other hobbies that you enjoy, to therefore take your mind off of the negativity

-take a moment, before responding to criticism, to remind yourself that they don't need to get bashed to pieces and that they're human too (however much evil delight you would get in angrily retorting is probably short-lived)

-know that at the end of the day, all that really matters is your opinion; if you just love to write, and if it makes you happy, then it doesn't really care what other people say

I hope this helps!* 

*Even if this didn't help you, it actually helped cheer me up about my writing insecurities while writing this, which is an added bonus. 

NextGen Writing Conference

Prepare your writing and mark your calendars: the NextGen Writing Conference starts in exactly one week, and I’m very excited. It’s the first time I’m going to it (well, can you say “going” if it’s completely virtual? I vote yes). I'm sure it’s going to be awesome. Why? There are lots of published authors who are going to help young writers, there will be talks from writing fantasy to formatting novels to proposals to editors, and it’s free! What more could you ask for?

To prepare, some of the authors are assigning optional –but encouraged- homework. For example, there are worksheets for beating resistance and writer’s block, making lists of people to whom you’ve felt an emotional connection and why, writing an emotional situation you’ve been through and putting your character in it, and getting an emotional story and then recording it as you remembered it about a day later. There’s also fantasy homework for a class on incorporating (you guessed it) fantasy, which I am doing currently. It’s kind of a lot, but I’m going to try to finish all of it in the next week. After all, it’ll help me, and hey, I have nothing else better to do. I’m also, of course, working on my own writing, being bored, et cetera. Note: being bored takes up much more time than you’d think it would. Of course, it’s quite a lot of work. J

Prompts, Agents, Etc.

As I have been unable to actually commit to real writing, like continuing a piece for than one day at a time, I have been doing writing prompts. Or at least being open to the ones that writing websites bring to my inbox. After all, who has time to think of their own writing prompts when they could be playing endless games of Mancala and accidentally crashing on their bike while trying to hold a water bottle? See, my excuses are perfectly rational. . . All right, maybe they're not. Plus, I am even more of a nerd than previously believed, because I constantly make up my own writing prompts. The thing I like about writing prompts is that they're quick and inventive. Plus, they're usually inspiring. I find Figment's daily writing prompts to be helpful most days, and they have a weekly review, which is nice.

On another (completely unrelated) note, I have been looking through the agent website AgentQuery. Did you like my segue? Yep, it's pretty impressive. Of course, right looking at agents is completely useless, as I don't even have a partial novel, let alone a finished manuscript. However, it's interesting, and informational. As I plan to finish my novel in the next year, approximately, I will learn more about publishing and the different agents. I was surprised at how many were listed for my genre (Young Adult). Also, I’m going to start my novel sometime in the next few weeks, either that or do NaNoWriMo. I really want to do NaNoWriMo, and I think it would be more fun with a good idea, but I also really want to start writing my novel.  Only time will tell, I suppose. I’m off to read now; the books I’ve been reading have made me want to write a really good book, and are the highlight of my (slow-moving) days. Ah, c’est le vie!

To Write or Not to Write?

Well, for the week, I’ve been rather busy. Since I have last blogged, I have filled my days with plenty of otherworldly things, like loafing about, playing many board games, writing poems about corn (yes, I know, I’m lame . . .) and excitedly thinking about my novel. My new one, I mean. Relatively Normal, my first and –so far- only manuscript, will still be resigned to desktop Purgatory, at least for the present, unless I can figure out the library’s shelving system and check out self-editing for fiction writers (and simultaneously be convinced that it’s actually worth revising). I have realized, while I’ve been mulling over my novel, that I have a conundrum. Conundrum; I like that word. It sounds so sophisticated, don’t you think? Ahem.

So, my conundrum is that I am not sure whether to save my current novel idea, which is dystopian and awesome-seeming, at least to my sleep-deprived brain,  for NaNoWriMo or to do it for CampNaNo or just to start it right now. See, the thing is that I want to do NaNoWriMo, and it would be good to help me manage my time, and everyone says it is cool. Plus, it has the attraction of knowing that there are many other tired makeshift-writers struggling at their keyboards along with you, as well as the whole pep-talks from authors. Plus, that certificate of achievement would seem even cooler than Camp NaNo’s did, and it’s more impressive to write a novel when you actually have other stuff going on. Of course, my family would support me, so that would be fine. However, I also have a hankering to do the August session for Camp NaNoWriMo, because I sort of miss sitting at my desk and knowing that I need to type 1,667, and then I get all excited when I reach my –rather minute- goal. Ah, the joy of writing. I don’t know if I should use my other storyline for that, and then use my good idea for NaNoWriMo. On the contrary, if I use my new manuscript idea for Camp NaNo, then I could maybe finish editing it by the time December rolls around. Of course, I’m not sure which option to take, so I’m setting up a highly scientific poll. Okay, let’s be honest: polls are just fun (well, at least to me).

                My dad came in last night when I was surreptitiously typing this and asked me when my novel was going to be done. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I was pretty sure it would never actually get past its current state, so I said it “needed a lot of work”. I talked about all of the editing and revising I’d have to do, and publication, and he told me it “would be a good process to go through.” I told him how I was going to do all that with my *next* shiny new novel idea, and I started telling him about it. I only got so far as dystopian, because I didn’t think he’d understand my references to Lois Lowry, among others. Therefore, I left it at that.

You know you're a writer when . . .

You know you’re a writer when* . . .

-you talk about writing more than anything else

-you have five to six writing notebooks around the house in case of great new ideas

-you’re happiest when madly writing

-you get super excited about novel/story/poem/article ideas

-You’re always thinking about how you could incorporate whatever-you’re-doing into some of your writing

-you write a novel, play, or stories for fun

-a writing site –or more than one- is your most-visited website

-you think in descriptions (i.e., ‘The dog was pelted with a whirlwind of cotton candy’, as opposed to ‘someone threw cotton candy at the dog’.)

-you have spent five minutes going around saying, “The cat was, the cat was, the cat was . . .”, trying to remember the perfect descriptions which you forgot a second ago (not that that has happened to me, you know, or anything. . .)

-you spell badly (at least occasionally) and don’t care, because you just had a new idea for your story

-you get happy even writing about writing

-someone outside of your family appreciates and enjoys your work

-you try to –and are pretty much always able to- find a story in everything

-you think up random story-starters very frequently

-Dictionary.com (with Thesaurus) is a very good friend of yours

-you have a secret fantasy where you are the next person to start a wonderful novel with the words, “It was a dark and stormy night . . .” (okay, maybe that one’s just me)

*Note: all of these are true for me, but probably not everyone. If you have more, you can put them in the comments, and I will greatly enjoy reading them.

Victorious! Or not . . .

                I am very happy that I can pride myself on never being one of those bloggers who blogs to avoid writing. That would be completely awful! After all, I’m a writer, not a blogger. Okay, as compelling as those reasons are, I have a deadly confession to make.  Don’t judge, okay? All right, well, recently I have been a procrastinating writer (hangs head in shame). Yep, I have done almost anything to avoid working on my novel, including reading many of Go Teen Writer’s inspiring blog posts, reading other blogs, checking my email several times in the span of ten minutes (pathetic, I know . . . remember? You said you weren’t judging!), and working on writing prompts and other writing. For example, my play that I submitted to Teen Ink a while ago is on the front page of the plays section. I really appreciate that, because it makes me feel like I’m a talented writer, even though it’s only up there because there are only 70 plays in the section. Still, it's a feel-good sort of thing.

                While I have been busily procrastinating (and it’s harder than you think! Nah, just kidding; it’s really not), I decided today, when I had a few free minutes, to print out my winner’s certificate for finishing my first draft of Relatively Normal, my Camp NaNoWriMo manuscript. That being said, I clicked the print button eagerly, and when it rolled out, the print job was completely spotty. Well, technically, pinstriped with various not congratulations-you-won blue shades. That was kind of disappointing, to tell you the truth. I walked into my room holding the certificate.

     Anni, my sister, commented, “So, you printed it?”

     I replied, “Yep, I got a certificate of achievement from Camp Tie-Dye.”

                I have been not working on my manuscript because I need to add 4,000 words to two of my chapters, as they are short, because I had just wanted to get to the end and didn’t have anything else to say. However, two 1,200 chapters are blatantly obvious when the rest of the manuscript has chapters ranging from 5,000 to 8,000 words. I was also considering doing an epilogue, although I’m not sure if I should or not. The reasons why my chapters are so long are because a) I used five alternating points of view, and b) they needed to get me through an academic school year (that probably sounds redundant... Oh well!). That, naturally, leaves me with eleven chapters, which is such an odd number. Like, eleven? I wanted to start and end with the same person, though. It still –obviously- kind of bugs me, though. Well, that’s it for now, I guess. I’d better get back to my dreaded WIP. I like my novel, I really do, it’s just that I don’t think it’s very good. I mean, I like it, but it’s not good enough for anyone else. That sounds like I’m going through a break-up right now, doesn’t it? I need to stop making things sound like break-ups when they’re not. Hey, maybe that should go on my to-do list. That, and to stop reading so much. The good news is that these days, I can blame anything on either hormones or my lack of a frontal lobe, or writing*. 

*My dad still accepts that, happily, so i guess eventually I'd better give him my manuscript to show him that I don't just play Pong all day. Note: I only played Pong in library, when Ms. Tschunko was blathering on about some book talk, so that doesn't count. It's not like I'm a Pong addict or anything (is there such a thing? Yeah, probably).

The Muse Strikes Again!

I have a tendency to get inspired very frequently. It’s one of the reasons, for me, why writing is so fun. I’ve been inspired by nature, television, my feelings (okay, that’s rather obvious), and my various opinions. I also really like writing prompts to get me into a more creative mood. Of course, I’m not always inspired by the biggest, grandest ideas; once, I was inspired by a pre-packaged cake box! In my defense, that was because it was lying on the side of the road, so I started wondering about the story behind it. I didn’t just wander down the baking aisle and get inspired by Betty Crocker’s beaming face. Note: I don’t know if Betty Crocker beams on the front of her cake boxes, but from past experience, I’d guess that it’s accurate. Who designs the character behind food boxes is beyond me. (Although I’d never want to do it, it does sound rather interesting . . . Hmmm . . .).

I don’t really believe in inspiration carrying you through your novel. When I was writing my (very) rudimentary first draft for my manuscript, I had no inspiration whatsoever. I only knew what the climax was going to be, and I was always pushing myself towards that point. I do, however, use inspiration often for my poetry and short stories, as well as titles for my nonfiction writing. Inspiration isn’t a big deal for me. If I didn’t have inspiration, I could still write, probably at about the same level that I do now. For me, inspiration is just icing on the cake, which, in my experience, is exactly how it should be.

The end of Camp NaNoWriMo

     The June session for Camp ended last night. I was freaking out. My parents were at a Twins game, and so they weren't there to help me and/or us. I was completely on track, but of course the day when you have a project due, it's the perfect time to make gnocchi with your sister, right? Yeah, so that took about two hours of trying to rice potatoes and yelling, and then I got to clean up some dog puke and the dishwasher started leaking all over the floor, all while I was frantically worrying about completing my novel. I had almost gotten the scene planned out in my head, and after we cleaned everything up, I got to the computer and started typing maniacally.  

      Finally, I got it done. I happily submitted my novel, and got to the winner's page. There, I was greeted by a paragraph talking about my achievements, an image of a sunset on the beach, and a printable winner's certificate. It's a pretty nice way to end the week, huh? Yeah, I thought so too. Anni didn't seem very impressed though, as she flipped through various and sundry channels with a remote. As cliché as it sounds, I kind of have a secret fantasy of . . . (wait for it . . . [it's not what you think!]) writing a really awesome novel that starts with, "It was a dark and stormy night." NaNoWriMo novel this year? Perhaps. I told my extended family and some of my friends about my writing a 50,000-word novel in 30 days, so I also got to blunder my way through explaining National Novel Writing Month. People should never ask me for explanations. Never. My favorite quote was from my grandma, who replied, "Well, it gets easier after six or seven [novels]!" That made me laugh (internally, though as I didn't want to hurt her feelings), especially as she has never written a novel or any prototype, at least to my knowledge. That comment really made my day, no joke. Ah, the pleasures of writing.