tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6855672424917573453.post2380958231188033594..comments2023-09-20T04:12:31.545-06:00Comments on A Writer Girl: Excerpt From my New NovelKatiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08117667458636102470noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6855672424917573453.post-56274598425702595052013-01-19T21:48:03.102-06:002013-01-19T21:48:03.102-06:00Thank you so much! I'll keep that in mind. Onc...Thank you so much! I'll keep that in mind. Once I've edited, I'll be more than happy to let you see it. I'm psyched to be joining the Teen Writer's Group. <br />Happy writing to you as well. :)Katiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08117667458636102470noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6855672424917573453.post-76275187644308981442013-01-18T19:12:40.714-06:002013-01-18T19:12:40.714-06:00Hey, Katia!
*sticks out hand* I'm Aubrey, a f...Hey, Katia!<br /><br />*sticks out hand* I'm Aubrey, a fellow author (actually, I write dystopia, too).<br /><br />I know you didn't /ask/ for any comments, but I'm going to give you some anyway because you have a great start and I beg you to continue. ;)<br /><br />When you wrote: "I lean back against the medical cabinet and slouch" the mental image is a little blurry for me. You really don't need BOTH "lean" and "slouch". Instead, you could put, "I slouch against the medical cabinet." It's a more concise sentence and the reader immediately has the mental image you're looking for. <br />Your writing is really nice and crisp, for the most part. Ha, I can definitely tell you are a Roth fan (as you should be––she's awesome!). The only thing I'd watch out for is the tendency to over-write some thoughts and actions. <br />When you wrote: "I gaze at the bland wall. It is bleached white, as bland as the robots that control those sorts of things. The ones who work at the corporation." it was a bit out-of-nowhere for me. I was like, "huh, the robots made the walls? Okaay. So? What about the girl?" <br />Like you said, this is a rough draft, but I always like it when people tell me what they see even in the first draft so I can take a look at their suggestions later on. ;D<br /><br />Happy writing and I'm looking forward to more!<br />Aubreyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04523104839442209454noreply@blogger.com