Saturday, April 6, 2013

Excerpt from The Tinkers

 I tried to really capture Dem's emotions as he's being held captive. This is a 330-word excerpt from The Tinkers, my first-draft WIP.
He stares at me, searching my battered form for signs of weakness. He clicks his teeth like he's snapping a whip, prowling around me. I hold myself stiffly, the headache dulled slightly with the presence of almost-enough sleep. Victor watches me rabidly, staring with feverish concentration in his beady eyes, until I look away, defeated. He smiles maliciously, his features compressed in a frown. He shocks me, tapping his wrist like he's beating someone. I try not to flinch as the shocks invade my body, traveling through my nerves. He holds his hand steady, his long sleeves flipped back to show me just how much power he has. I, again, am powerless. I watch wearily as he shocks again and again, until they no longer register. I scoot back, my back pressed to the wall, as he comes toward me. Her bends down and hisses at me, his harsh breath smelling of charcoal.

"When he gives them to me a second time," he smiles, "they don't get out alive." He snarls at me with a glowering smile, barely visible in the dim light. His mood lightens, as he toys with me, sending shivers of radiation up my spine.

I fight the urge to scream, to break the silence. He watches me carefully, waiting for the precise moment when I will break down. His eyes gleam as he pushes me further and further, watching me silently beg for mercy. I will not grovel. I will not. I bite my lip hard as he shocks me, violent blasts of energy quivering through my body. He glares at me with cold, calculating eyes. I feel myself become numb. I try to distract myself, thinking about Luria and Jack and Siri. Who are all going to die because of me. The tension intensifies, strangling my bones, until all I can think about is the pain. My heart pounds. I feel myself slowing down, my organs beginning to shut down ... My breath grows ragged. I'm going to die.


  1. DEM! DEM! Okay, I have developed this keen interest in his welfare. WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!! Gosh, Katia. 330 words is, like, tantalizing and mean. XD

    1. Spoiler alert: he doesn't die. I'm not really sure what happens next though, pantser that I am. 330 words was the only part that both didn't make me look sadistic and that was actually interesting. I'm not trying to be mean... Okay, only a little. :)
      Dem is one of my favorite characters so far. Not to brag or anything, but he's pretty awesome, although he can be callous at times...
      You know, I can't imagine not being a writer. I'd lose out on so much fun.

    2. Brag?! YOU CAN BRAG! He is awesome and I'm only reading one liners and small excerpts. I love him. How far through the book are you? Because, no pressure...I WANT TO READ IT. Okay, okay, when you're ready, that is, no rush (I can bite my finger nails, aw, gosh darn it, I have none left.)
      I felt this way with my book, SIX. Blue was my favourite. ;) I also am worried people will think I'm sadistic, but there's more to a book then what happens on the surface! I'm with you. I can't imagine not writing. My life would be so boring. I get to do SO many things since I write...

    3. Awww, you're so sweet. (That was unsarcastic, by the way. I do mean it.) I've written about 45,000 words so far. I'm guessing the (very awful) draft will be done in about two-ish weeks. I'll keep you posted. Getting it to the point where I'd actually let someone read it will take longer... I bite my nails too. Bad habit, I know...
      For me, it's not tht Iget to do so many things (except getting lots of "advice" from my non-writing family). The Twin Cities is awesome, as there are lots of amazing local authors and writing programs. For me, it's just that it's a very satisfying and nonviolent way to express my feelings. And it gives me a major feel of accomplishment, not going to lie. And I like exploring other perspectives. Plus, I like the idea that I could slyly influence people through my books (introverted nerds taking over the world! also known as writers).


Thanks for visiting my blog, A Writer Girl! Comments are totally appreciated, and if you have constructive criticism, I'll welcome that too. Thanks so much for your input.